Matterful Health: Poo Shy? Hush-hush!

OH DEAR READERS, I HEAR YOUR CRIES! What is the quickest way to get healthy? What does it take to have amazing skin? What’s the safest way to lose weight?  

Poop. Let’s use it as a verb, folks.

Oh come on! I sense the eyes rolling, the heavy sighs and the bared teeth that are disgusted by what I want to suggest is undeniably the most important health concern of our time: poop! 

We gotta do this, I’m sorry! Poop, I mean. And talk about poop. Everybody poops. Get over it.

We must poop, ideally two or three times a day (no joke). You eat two or three times a day, sometimes more, so why shouldn’t you poop the same number of times? If we don’t, we grow some foul shit on our innards–literally. With the layers of build-up and decay come disease. Dis-ease. Here’s why:

Without proper elimination on a daily basis our digestive systems become slow and clogged. Think of a drain pipe, clogged with leaves after a heavy rainfall–the more that leaves continue to enter the pipe, the more they get goopy and impacted and rotten. Imagine that those rainy and windy days never ended and it was always fall. More goop, more impaction, more rot. Now… Imagine that the clogged drain pipe connects from your butt to your mouth, because it does.

Constipation is one of the quickest ways to dis-ease. Wonder why you get headaches? Why your breath stinks with fervent brushing and mouthwash? Why you get acne? Why your lower back hurts? Why you are slim enough but just have that distended gut hanging over your belt line? Why you didn’t poop today?? You’re most likely constipated. Millions of Americans are. If your waste (or your dirty, foul leaves to hang on to our metaphor) aren’t eliminated then it stays inside of you, where it grows further toxic and putrid. So get rid of it!  

There are a few easy ways to help eliminate your poop:

1. Drink more water

2. Eat more fiber

3. Ingest more healthful fats and oils

We’ll go over each of these in more detail over the next few weeks in what is called ‘The Log Log’. Keep an eye out for it. Don’t worry, we’ll keep out of your Thanksgiving feasting. In the meantime, go poop yourself. 

Posted by: Autumn.

*Remember folks, ultimately you must take responsibility for your own health. 


6 responses to “Matterful Health: Poo Shy? Hush-hush!

  1. Sorry, but I haven’t been able to take a turd since I watched “Monsturd”.

    No joke.

  2. Dang. That didn’t work.

    Monsturd –

  3. sharksandsailors

    Yes, Wendy. I understand your fear of poop as it is a very toxic substance. The parody of it you found in ‘Monsturd’ is appropriate for this post, thanks. Just make sure you eliminate those monsturds regularly from your bowels or you too might become full of death and dis-ease too!

  4. Synechdoce NY has lots of poop shots, Autumn. You will love it.

  5. sharksandsailors

    Umm… I think you’re all missing the point here. Your sardonic asides show me just how uncomfortable you are with poop. You must embrace the poop!

  6. So, as this seems to be a place where I can share too much information… I am proud to say I am 12 weeks pregnant and not constipated! So, I must be doing something right, although I’m riddled with headaches and acne, so I’ve got some work ahead of (or behind?) me…
    I’m looking forward to more of your posts, Autumn!

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