Facebook has age issues.

…or some of their advertisers think I do.

…or they did. I used to see these adverts all the time on Facebook talking about all these celebrities who were 40, but looked 25. Almost all of the celebrity photos they used gave me a “Really?” reaction. “Really, that’s the photo they used to convince me to try this miracle-fountain-of-youth potion?”  I thought it would be fun to take a moment and reflect on these ads.

age1I’ll start with my favorite.

A smoking, squinting Jennifer Anniston.

What is the message here?  Is smoking my way into Brad Pitt and John Maher’s bed?  Will smoking make me look younger?

I mean, could they have used a less attractive photo of poor Jennifer?  She looks truly awful in this photo.  I don’t want to look like that.  Did this advertiser think that I’m really that stupid, that I would just automatically click on a celeb head?  They could be geniuses, though, because I almost clicked out of curiosity to see if the “trick” was smoking.

age2Really?  You think Madonna looks 30?  Really?

I’m 32.  You are saying that Madonna looks younger than me.  Really?  Hmm.

I’m not saying anything against Madonna.  Shit, I hope I look like her at her age, but she doesn’t look 30.  She may have the body of in-shape 30 year old, but not the face.  And I know how she got the body, so I wouldn’t be learning anything new there.

You want to know one disturbing thought I have due to these ads?  It’s in the line “Learn the secret discovered by one mom”.  I used to watch Nip/Tuck, and due to that, all I can think of with that line is the mother that said she used her son’s sperm on her face to help her look younger.  EW, I know.

age3What is this picture?  A squished photo of Uma Thurman is really supposed to attract me to use this beauty product?  And while we are at it, what is she wearing?!  I think I see a nipple.

Uma, I feel really awful saying this, but I thought you were already 40.  I actually thought you were probably 42, maybe 43.  Maybe it’s just that the last time I saw you, you were all sweaty and bloody in Kill Bill, but I thought you were older than you are apparently.  For this, I am truly sorry Uma.  No woman likes it when you guess her age to be more than what it actually is.

age4Ok.  Here we go.  Angelina looks good.  She was born in the ’60s?!  Hrmph.  I never would have guessed that.  She looks great for her age.

Oh wait, this ad is a complete lie.  A quick search on the internet told me that our gal Angelina here was born in 1975.  She’s 33.  That’s why she looks young….because she is.

Oh, and she also looks awesome because that photo is insanely photoshopped.  I’m not saying she ain’t an attractive lady, I’m just saying…

age6Really?  Really?  You’re gonna pull out the Kim Cattrall card?  You are gonna pull the most infamous cougar playing actress’s picture and then claim she looks 25?  Ok.

She played a woman who had hot flashes on a tv show, for christ’s sake.  There is no way anyone mistakes her for a 25 year old.  The people who wrote these ads are completely insane. (That being said, Kim does look great for a 52 year old.)

And what is Kim doing in this photo? She is either extremely pissed at a photographer, or she is wickedly drunk and having a blast.  Which reminds me, have any of you seen that book she wrote with her now ex-husband?  HI-LAR-IOUS!  If you ever need a pick me up, go to your closest Barnes & Noble and flip through a copy.

age7And we come full circle.

Back to our gal, Jenn.  Back to another photo of her smoking.  Back to my question wondering if smoking is a beauty cure all.

Is this a scene from a movie?  I can’t even really tell if this is Jennifer Anniston.

I don’t really have much to say about this particular ad, except the smoking thing.  I remember other ads that featured a smoking Catherine Zeta-Jones.  This ad company was clearly obsessed with hot women who smoke.

Apparently it makes you look younger.

Posted by Wendy


5 responses to “Facebook has age issues.

  1. ha ha… stupid women.

  2. I think there needs to be a version of Photoshop directly marketed to women as an anti-aging product.

  3. …and then come the smoking wrinkles. but, seriously, what is it about uma? i always thought she was older, too, but not in the mom-like way.

  4. …and you have pulled a total seth meyers with your ‘really?!’ segment.

    i have a remedy for your ‘smoking jen’ anxieties–do not click female or male on your facebook account settings. i am an asexual facebooker and i don’t get gender specific ads.

  5. ‘Really?!’ has been around for awhile now, Autumn. Seth Meyers didn’t invent that shit. I don’t even really watch SNL. I probably got it more from Stacey than anything.

    I am interested in your asexual ads though. I wonder what goodies pop up then. I might try that as an experiment.

    Facebook is always trying to make me feel bad for being a single lady. They clearly don’t realize how awesome it is.

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